Angry or Frustrated? You Could Be Battling Anxiety.
Know someone who seems flustered or irritated all the time? They might be battling a serious case of anxiety.
Many people picture a panic attack when imagining anxiety. It’s true that the nervousness of the disorder can cause symptoms like shortness of breath, sweating and fear. But anxiety can also make those of us who deal with it really angry, or just simply irritated, sometimes.
I’m almost certain frustration as a symptom of anxiety happens for other genders, too, but I know for a fact (from personal experience) that it’s a side effect for cisgender men.
Most males don’t like to show weakness, but we can’t exactly hide our tempers all the time. A lot of things can cause temper flare-ups, and it’s unlikely the sharp words and actions that come in tow are pure personality and not caused by something specific.
However, men don’t like to talk about feelings in many cases, so diagnosing the underlying cause, or even asking about it, can lead to further frustration. Just know that some form of anxiety is likely at the root of what might appear to be just anger.
It could be financial strain, work hassles, family trials or something far more simple like the failure of a sports team or problems with a power tool in the garage. Men get angry about all manner of things, big and small. Then, if you ask a question or bring up an undesirable topic at an inopportune moment on top of that already-present issue, you’re likely to stoke the flames of anxiety. And that anxiety will present itself in the form of anger, frustration, irritability or an outright tantrum.
Approaching a mad man is no easy task, but it’s worth your time in the long run. Letting obvious irritation continue for long periods of time will only lead to worse issues, whether they’re anxiety-related or not. The best route to broach the topic is to be clear about your goal in starting the conversation. Say something like, “You may not want to talk, and that’s okay, but I can tell something is bothering you. If I can help or you just want to share what’s troubling your mind, know that I’m here to listen and I care.”
A reasonable person will take those words in one of two directions. They’ll either tell you what’s on their mind, or they’ll simply thank you and tell you nothing’s wrong or they don’t want to explore what’s going on in their head at that moment.
The trouble is that oftentimes someone who’s irritated, especially when it’s caused by anxiety, will not be in a reasonable mood. They might even be incredibly irrational. In that case, weigh your options carefully, because trying to push someone to talk might make the situation worse. It’s still important to attempt to have a conversation, but see how they respond before you proceed.
My wife can tell you that when my anxiety has been at its worst, I fit the unreasonable description. At those times I’ve been almost inconsolable. I believe everything is terrible and always going to be the worst situation possible. In the past when I had not worked at all to address my issues with anxiety, it took my wife hours sometimes to calm me down and get me to a place where I wasn’t certain “the sky is falling,” as the old saying goes.
I believe it’s also important to note that violence can often accompany anger in men. As I note in my mental health memoir, Eating Me Alive, I’ve never felt compelled to lay a hand on anyone else during fits of anxiety-induced rage. Instead, I long battled self-harm as a way of channeling my irritation. That’s not okay either, but it’s also not right to harm others. If you are involved with someone who’s angry, frustrated or experiencing any other emotion that is causing or might cause them to harm you or harm themselves, please know that it’s always all right to ask for help.
Overcoming anger, frustration and a whole host of emotions that result from anxiety is never easy, but it’s so important to be aware of the connection. That understanding can be the first step in learning more about each other and in helping us all live just a little bit better.
Matthew Tessnear lives in North Carolina. His writing is profoundly impacted by his own experiences with anxiety, depression, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and other challenges.
