This is the simple reason why we can’t all just get along.
None of us know exactly what someone else is going through in private. Unless you live with a person and spend the majority of your time around them you can’t truly see everything that makes them who they are.
My life journey has been different than yours. That’s why you and I don’t see each aspect of living quite the same. And it’s why you and I wouldn’t agree on everything, from politics to religion and beyond.
Our unique personal experiences define us. What we go through leads us to form our own view of the world. Our experiences shape our perspectives. I’ve come to realize that every time I spend time around anyone, especially if they share a firm view on a topic. And those types of views smother us these days.
Our experiences shape our perspectives.
America was founded by idealogical division. It remains as bitterly divided today. In beliefs and in deeds we are split almost everywhere we look. At least that’s the way I see it from my own experiences. You likely have, even if slightly, a different interpretation.
Our society as a whole is drowning in a sea of disagreements over every imaginable part of life. It’s conservative against liberal, poor versus rich, black and white, and every gray area between.
The neighborhood where I live is divided. Some people embrace peace, tidyness and respectfulness. Others allow constant noise, homes that are rough around the edges and aggressive behaviors.
My own family is divided. Views vary on the ways people should live, act and empathize with other people. Perspectives clash in social, economic and every other imaginable policy.
Why does all this happen?
Because each of us has a set of experiences that has shaped every one of our perspectives. And no two among us are quite the same. We’re somewhat like different pieces on a Chess board, living in the same space but possessing entirely unique capabilities and histories in the game (life). All those factors influence how we can and will move.
We’re somewhat like different pieces on a Chess board, living in the same space but possessing entirely unique capabilities and histories in the game (life). All those factors influence how we can and will move.
Some among us have lived insulated lives around people of the same religion, political viewpoints, ethnicity and financial standing. Those people are often far less tolerant and understanding toward anyone who sees the world differently.
Others have allowed a far more vast network of people, places and ideas to be a part of their lives. That leads to growth, tolerance and acceptance of a far wider swath of humanity.
Trying to mix those two types of people is like combining oil and water. The two will blend for a bit, but leave them sitting together long enough and they’ll separate again.
I’ve been discouraged — downright frustrated — for years now by how impossible it feels to connect with people who act like there’s only one right way to do everything. If that were the point of life, don’t you think we would have all been born looking, sounding and acting exactly the same? We’d be clones. Is that really what we want? Is that really an enticing way to live?
I struggle with anyone who asserts that politics, religion or morality are 100 percent black and white, right and wrong. It seems to me that right and wrong only apply to the obvious things. We shouldn’t kill, steal or harm. We should encourage, love and nurture. Most everything else is open to interpretation.
But that doesn’t seem to be the way many among us want to see the world. And it all goes back to each individual experience.
Someone who grows up Black and someone who grows up White likely won’t see the world alike because of their different experiences simply based on the color of their skin. Someone who has money and someone who doesn’t, no matter the reason for either situation, won’t believe the same things. A person who surrounds themselves with all kinds of different people and a person who lives inside a narrow circle of people who always agree with them won’t get along because they haven’t lived with the same approach.
Our experiences shape our perspectives. The experiences of individuals across humanity differ widely, so perspectives follow. That’s why everyone can’t just simply get along. As long as that’s the case — unless more people are willing to consider and welcome diverse perspectives — we’ll continue to be divided.
Matthew Tessnear is the author of the mental health memoir Eating Me Alive: How Food, Faith and Family Helped me Fight Fear and Find Hope. His own battles with anxiety, depression and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder shape his writing. He lives in North Carolina.
